Monday, May 23, 2016

Today I turned 37 years old.

Some thoughts on turning 37:

- I miss my father fiercely. If I had known we would only have 36 years together, I....well, I don't know. I just miss him terribly, every single day.

-I am so glad my mother is here. If one positive thing came out of my father dying, it is that my mother lives with me now. It's been over 18 years since I lived with my mom, and I forgot how much I missed it. Especially now that I'm a mom. I'm grateful for every single day.

-My post-partum anxiety is now mostly a bad memory, and I'm off the medication. I think I have some generalized anxiety though. But mostly, I'm ok.

-I have not been taking care of myself. I am out of shape and the heaviest I've ever been in my life. My knees and ankles constantly hurt from the weight on my skeleton. I'm tired and self-conscious all the time. This needs to change. I hate feeling like this. I'm starting a Whole30 soon.

-I did the Police Unity Tour the other week, and I was miserable. For the first time in years, I had to take the sag wagon for a good portion of the trip. This was always the ride that was easy for me--I loved it. Not this time. Turns out that having a baby and severe depression & no training in over a year makes it kinda hard to do a 250+ mile bike ride. WHO KNEW? I will do a more detailed post on this soon, especially on how childbirth changes your body and that you need to get a bike. And other stuff.

-I love living on the island. I miss living in DC sometimes, but it was definitely time to say goodbye.

-Liam is simply amazing. He is sitting next to me right now, playing the clapping game (yes it's 11pm. We took naps for most of the day because he had his 9 month check-up today, which meant vaccinations. Poor lil guy was cranky and out of sorts). I got so lucky with him. He is such a smart, happy, easy-going baby. Watching him grow is fascinating. I just get sad that my dad doesn't get to see this.

Will it ever stop raining? This spring has been so depressing.

Honor Guard at the Police Unity Tour (Day 2)

Clap Clap!

9 months!

First trip to the Mall

This is what he does when Mommy mows the lawn

Mechanical Trailer for the Unity Tour